


Worthless

by Saturn_Writes



Category: Hunter X Hunter, hxh
Genre: Angst, Death, Dissociation, Grief/Mourning, Hallucinations, Killua blames himself for it, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Mourning, One Shot, gon is dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:42:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29820966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saturn_Writes/pseuds/Saturn_Writes
Summary: It was as if he could still feel his body go limp in his arms. The way he could sense his soul leaving his body. The coldness of his corpse. The wetness of his blood. Killua remembered in all way too much.And those last words....those damn last words.
Relationships: Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Killugon - Relationship
Kudos: 11





	Worthless

It was as if he could still feel his body go limp in his arms. The way he could sense his soul leaving his body. The coldness of his corpse. The wetness of his blood. Killua remembered in all way too much. And those last words....those damn last words. If Gon hadn't said anything, maybe this wouldn't have haunted him so much. Maybe he wouldn't see Gon wherever he went. Maybe he wouldn't hear Gon telling him that he's worthless. "It's not your fault, Killua. I love you." Fucking liar. Why would Gon lie to him? The thing he liked most about Gon had been his honesty. So why lie to make him feel better? Why would he do that? After his death, Killua quit being a hunter. 

The light he once had in his life had faded away. It was all darkness now. He didn't go back to being an assassin though, just a bodyguard. Yea, Gon would be proud of him for not killing people. No...Gon wouldn't care, he would call him worthless because that's what he is.

"Worthless worthless worthless worthless" were the words that repeated in his head over and over again. Sometimes, he heard Gon's voice saying them. It's been a while since he's had a good meal. Without Gon, it isn't worth it. None of this is worth it anymore. However, Killua couldn't just die without his first love. After all Gon's final words to him had also been, "Live on!" He couldn't just betray his trust like that. Dying would've been the easy way out. Living with this guilt for the rest of his life hurt more.

He would live, although he pretty much became a walking zombie. Basic tasks became foreign to him. He had to be reminded by Leorio to take care of his basic needs. Food? He had trained long without it? Water? He would be fine! He deserved this punishment for what he let happen. He could feel himself dissociating quite often. His mind would feel as though he were slipping out of his body. That none of this was real. That Gon would come home one day and greet him with a hug with a large smile. He would say his name lovingly. None of this had been real. Life without Gon wasn't real. Everything had been his fault. If only he protected Gon, if only he hadn't taken Gon there if only had been prepared. That's why Killua officially dubbed himself as worthless.


End file.
